The Music Hit a Sour Note

One likes to believe we are living in enlightened times. Just as I try to convey in my Race and Ethnicity classes when students claim racism is dead, to which I say naturally you do, you are white! Well here is another example with a twist. It is difficult to believe anyone would pass up earning money just because the clients are gay. Well, let me tell you…

We have been trying to find musicians for our reception. Doing it from afar with a 7 hour time difference and cultures apart, has been a hassle. I happened upon a site called Gig Salad, which is apparently a consolidator for entertainers. What I am about to share has nothing to do directly with Gig Salad, but one of the bands they contract with. In fact, initially, I could not register with Gig Salad since their form only includes the US and Canada. After a polite little note about our living situation as well as our needs, they opened the site to Hungary and allowed me to create an account. I was pleased and thus far I continue to be pleased with their service.

I contacted one of bands listed. Their repertoire matched our desires in musical range; there was a little something to please all generations attending. My note was short and to the point.

“Will you work with a male-male couple? Before I explain further, we should get that out of the way.”

Within a day, I received a response. It was not one I wanted to read; nevertheless, it was extremely polite and nonjudgmental. There is no point in naming the band. I am not out for revenge; I appreciate his forthrightness.

Hey Ryan,
Thanks for the inquiry and for asking about working with a same-sex marriage. I really appreciate the respect in asking about that.

I would like to be completely honest in my answer, because you deserve it. So here's my respectful and honest attempt at answering your question -

With our beliefs and backgrounds, we would be uncomfortable doing it so I would prefer to turn it down. I don't want that statement to come across personally; I truly wish the best for you and yours. With whatever level or lack of comfort, I'm afraid our services might not meet our own expectations for you and I wouldn't want your day to be affected by us. There are many wedding vendors that are excited to work with same-sex couples who I believe would provide better service because of it.

If you are looking for photography in particular I may be able to make recommendations if you would like.

Hope you understand! Wish nothing but the best for you!

Thank you,


And the Band Will Play On with another group, hopefully. This is paraphrasing the title of the famous book from 1988 And the Band Played On by Randy Shilts.
Later it became a movie, but this is drifting from the point.

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