Our Service on April 19, 2014

Wedding of Ron Schmitz and Ryan James

Celebrant Reverend Mark Stringer

First Unitarian Church of Des Moines

1800 Bell Avenue

Des Moine, Iowa

GATHERING THE ASSEMBLY

(Mark, we want to gather with our guests in the foyer. Then process with you in the lead, and then the two of us, followed by Martha, Daphnee, and Kim. The guests follow them and will seat themselves before your opening words.)

Heartbeat Handbell Choir will play Trumpet Voluntary after people are seated.

WELCOME

We are gathered here today to witness and to affirm the wedding of Ron Schmitz and Ryan James. What they have already lived and promised between themselves for more than 20 years, they bring today to make legal before you, their family and friends. Marriage is an act of will, a promise to work for a communion with another person.  It is not simply a spontaneous emotional reaction, nor the sudden grip of an irresistible feeling.  Marriage requires a commitment to care for another person, to show concern for the life and growth of those whom we love.  Marriage requires a commitment to respond to another person, to help meet their needs.  Marriage requires a commitment to respect the unique individuality of that person, to help them grow and unfold for their own sake.  Marriage requires a commitment to transcend our egos, to use reason and humility to understand another person; and by doing this, we discover ourselves.  All these commitments require that we give ourselves to another person; by this giving we experience our strength, our vitality, our power.  We experience ourselves as overflowing and alive.  Today we affirm and celebrate the wedding of Ron and Ryan.

READINGS:
Martha Popson will read 1 Corinthians 13.

If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. 

Daphnee Banks will read her own poem

A heart is an energetic shape
interwoven
and held strong
by allowing itself to join another
and become One.

So many moons ago
by accident
little by little we grew
separate,
strong,
with branches bare.

Searching, we went deeply
into our deepest parts.

May your roots always be strong and nourish each other.

Kim Raney plays  the recorder.

WITNESSES’ BLESSINGS

Do you, Daphnee and Martha, stand with this couple to bestow the approval of their families and friends?  (We do)

Do all of you, the families and friends of Ron and Ryan, bestow your blessings on their union?  (We do)


DECLARATION OF CONSENT 

Do you R1, choose , R2, to be your wedded spouse, to live together in marriage, to love him, comfort him, honor and cherish him in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, from this day forth?
   
VOWS

I _______, take you _______ to be my wedded spouse in marriage; to have and to hold, from this day forward; for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, from this day forth.

RINGS

The circle is a symbol of the sun and the earth and universe.  It is a symbol of holiness and of perfection and of peace.  These rings are the symbols of the unity with which your two lives are joined in one unbroken circle, and in which, wherever you go, you will always return unto one another to your togetherness. 

EXCHANGE OF RINGS

I, ____, give to you, _____, this ring in marriage, as a symbol of my commitment to love, honor, and respect you. 

PRONOUNCEMENT

What has been done here has been perfect in its own moment.  Nothing can be taken from it; nothing can be added to it.  Therefore, ancient and hallowed custom has been fulfilled.

The words have been said, the symbols have been exchanged, and we have all been witnesses to it.  Therefore I, and all who are here, recognize that you, Ron, and you, Ryan are wed, and we will honor you with our embraces, our blessings, and our support.

So go now in peace to the time of being together; love justice, practice mercy, and live in the grace of simplicity all your days.  So be it.  Amen.

EMBRACE 

WORDS OF CELEBRATION

Daphnee Banks to read: Native American, adapted from the Apache

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be the shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth for the other.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your life together.
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

                 
Martha Popson to read:

May you live long together.
May you be faithful to the good in each other.
May you know no more suffering than you can bear.
May you be found by joy again and again.
And may love ground you and free you
All the days of your lives.  Amen.

Heartbeat Handbell Choir will play Pachelbels Canon.

RECESSIONAL after 2nd song finishes.

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Good-Bye for Now Friend

We were up at 4:00 am in nervous anticipation. Kim was anxious about making her connection in Paris with only an hour to spare. Mixed emotions filled the air as the clock ticked away the minutes for her departure. All of us have new events looming before us that we have to deal with. I walked Kim down to the shuttle; we had to wait about five minutes. When the shuttle pulled up and we hugged, we both started to cry. It had been twelve years since we saw each other; we easily picked up where we left off as if no time had passed at all. Now we are starting that countdown clock one more time.

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Kim Files 9

The last day is always a bummer when you are really enjoying your time together. Kim and Ron gave me a helping hand in getting all of the beginning of the school year things to my office at the university. I had bought a printer for my own use, had piles of CDs and my laptop to bring back. This gave me the opportunity to show off the computer lab I had set up where I teach academic and creative writing, blogging courses, and monitor a peer to peer writing center. We were going to Margaret Island next. The tram stops on the bridge, but the buses are curtailed due to construction. As warm as it was, the breezes kept us cool. We had wanted to rent a Brigihito bike built for four with a canopy, but it was already rented, not to be returned for fifty minutes. Hold Udvar is close, but an attempt to get some early lunch was thwarted by their not opening until noon. We grabbed a sausage from a vendor for the price of a lunch at the restaurant. Our choice in bikes was still not available, so the next best thing turned out to be the better choice. We rented a golf cart that was motorized. Kim had to do it; you had to have a valid driver's license. She drove us around the island for an hour, on any path we could find. It was fantastic. On the way home, Kim and I got off a Antique Row for some browsing, walked to the Parliament, went to see the statue of Imre Nagy, and took the metro home. I tried making reservations at Hemingways. Tonight was a doubly special occasion. It was Kim's last night and also our 16-year anniversary. I was truly upset when Hemingway could not give us a table; they closed for a private party. It is such a romantic spot. One of my readers had written and suggested Dio be put in the book. This was plan two. We sat outside. The service was spectacular. Food was beautifully prepared and each morsel was taste bud heaven. This was truly a fabulous choice and Kim was kind enough to pick up the bill as a congratulatory present. Those rose shaped ice cream cones called our names once again, so we had that for dessert. Now the countdown really starts for Kim to leave us. The shuttle comes at 4:50 am.

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Kim Files 8

Well the Kim Files are sadly coming to a close as her time here shortens. She was able to get in on the Opera House tour, while we went to Treehugger Dan's for quick coffee. Meeting her back at the Opera House, we stopped for another coffee at the Ballet Slipper cafe. Deciding we needed to gear up for dinner, we went back home. Kim read, I wrote, Ron puttered around. There was a big night ahead of us, going to the Trofea Restaurant. An all-you-can-eat dining venue where everything is included, a 120 food choices, plus beer, wine, and so on, we needed our strength. As much as I try to monitor myself, getting really small portions, I inevitably come away feeling like the Pilsbury Dough Boy, poppin' fresh. We waddled back content.

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Kim Files 6

Ron took Kim on a tour of Kerepesi Cemetery, which some may think is strange, but really it is a glorious park where history meets art. I have included a larger section on it in my new book. While they were gone, I caught up on my writing for the book, completing a couple of chapters, which really felt accomplished. After they returned, Kim rested, we discussed our shopping day. When I told her of the itinerary, she rebuked the idea of so much territory, but I knew better. We started on Kiraly, where she tried on eyeglass frames from the Seattle/Hungarian Tipton. His frames are handmade from old vinyl records and the newer models are from old celluloid film. After trying on a dozen pairs, she finally settled on one to purchase. We wandered down to the tram to arrive at the great market for a quick once over for souvenirs, but they were declared unworthy, so we moved on to Vaci street. Once I got her into one of my favorite stores, Intuita, she received that shopper's rush of energy. Store to store we went, shopping bags accumulating with each block, and finally making it to the other end of Vaci, my original suggestion earlier that morning. All in all, it was quite an exciting day having a shopper with me for a change who made purchases. Dinner was at Marquis de Salade. This was a memorable restaurant that Ron and I went to when we first, first came to Budapest on vacation in 1998. The service was fine, but there was something off about the food. We did start with the six salads, a great choice, but the entrees were not as spectacular as in the past. For one thing, the menu has shrunk. There were quite a number of choices from Russia, Azerbaijan, Uzbekistan, and other countries, but many seemed to be absent from this new menu. What we ordered was good, but not exceptional, so it was disappointing for me who wanted to show off a great restaurant.

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The Kim Files 5

Sunday was a bit more relaxed. We went to the Museum of Fine Arts, where Ron is a docent. He gave us a spectacular tour of the 19th century and Spanish Galleries. We breezed through the Dutch gallery and then went to see the temporary exhibit of Israeli treasures, some from over 9,000 years old in addition to a piece of the Dead Sea Scrolls and masterpieces by Rembrandt, Chagall and Rodin. We had guests arriving; Ron took off for home to greet them, while Kim and I went to Gerloczy restaurant for an early dinner. We had tickets, we thought for a concert of Cuban Shephardic Jewish music at 8:00 pm. When we got home, an e-mail from the guests stated they would not be arriving until 8:00 pm, so Ron and Kim went to the concert while I volunteer (happily, I may add) to wait behind. As it turned out, the concert started at 7:00 pm and it was a different concert. The guests arrived, I spun them through the apartment and ran out. When I arrived, I was disappointed in the concert since I expected more Cuban culture to be displayed, but it was only afterward I found out it was the wrong tickets. Afterward, we went to Arriba for a burrito.

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The Kim Files 4

On Saturday, we took the train to Vac, a 30-minute train ride from Budapest where one of my students offered to play tour guide. As soon as we arrived in Vac, the skies opened and it poured rain. Not one of us brought an umbrella, so the first stop was umbrella shopping three stores away from the train station. Linda, my student, was returning from Lake Balaton and was running late. We wandered around the town on our own until she arrived, peaking into churches, stopping for a pastry, and then to Momento Morti. While excavating the Dominican Church, they found 60 crypts with mummified corpses. Each crypt was beautifully painted. Some of them and the corpses were on display. Very interesting. Linda found us there and took us to a cafe where the walls are covered with the work of a famous Hungarian childrens writer and illustrator. The work is amazing and not only themes for children. Another place to return to. Linda was funny; she had notes she referred to as she was touring us. She insisted we stop at another pastry shop as the owner won many awards. After twisting our arms for 10 seconds, we cried UNCLE and gave it, had another coffee and shared a pastry. He deserves all of the awards he has won. Not only were the pastries artistically placed in the cases, they tasted like winners with each bite. We tried stopping at a favorite restaurant Ron and I had discovered before, but they had to close for a funeral, so we went to another. It was okay, just. Just as we arrived at the train station, there was a train to take us back to Budapest. We immediately made our way to the Ludwig Museum of Contemporary Art where the Robert Capa exhibit was showing. They had over 400 of his photographs on display. It was shocking, but I was able to enter free with my teacher's ID card. Imagine that! The exhibit was incredible and we spent hours browsing through, though much less time on the permanent exhibits. We succumbed to getting falafel platters and eating it while watching the movie The Accidental Husband, which was a retched movie. Uma how could you?

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The Kim Files 3

Friday was Castle Hill day. We spent most of the day exploring the castle district. After meandering around the Budapest Museum, the Hungarian National Gallery, and oohing and ahhing over the views, Kim and Ron went into the Arany Sas, or Golden Eagle Museum. Been there, done that, no reason to do it again. No stop on Castle Hill would be complete without a stop at the Retesvar, my favorite strudel place in the city. None of us were disappointed. From here we went to Fisherman's Bastion, but in a capitalist move, the filled it with restaurant tables and chairs to force tourists to eat or drink to enjoy the views. We did find spots to by-pass this and had a great time. Ron took Kim into St. Matthias Church. Covered in scaffolding until 2012, it is still impressive, but unfortunately, the little museum inside with the history of St. Stephan's crown is also closed until 2013. That is one of my favorite parts of the inner church. Not to show religious favoritism, the two of them went to the Medieval Jewish Prayer House. The middle-aged woman guide was rather rude bordering on obnoxious, making me miss the little old man who was so pleasant upon my visit. Kim being a musician was sent off to the Museum of Music, while the two of us waited for her outside in the shade and coolness of the entry on a marble bench. After going home for a rest, we returned to the hill for dinner at Rivalda restaurant where we dined in an old monastic courtyard under the stars while musicians serenaded us with violin and saxophone. I had thought that we could go to the upper level of the Bastion for a well lit view of the Parliament building, but they were still charging to enter at 9:30 pm. They had told me that it was free after 9:00 pm. Instead, we went behind the President of Hungary's office, where the view was magnificent, not feeling like we missed out at all.

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The Kim Files 2

We started our Thursday with a tour of the Dohany Synagogue, Memorial Garden, and the Jewish Museum. Though I have done this a few times in the past, it had been some time since the last, so I thoroughly enjoyed another go. We had two excellent guides, but the one in the museum spoke like a tightly wound rubber band coming undone. We really thought he would pass out from lack of oxygen; he never seemed to take a breath. From one end of the spectrum to the other, we took Kim to the House of Terror, but we waited for her. Having been there a multitude of times, we did not feel a need to return. To sweeten the memory of the day, our next stop was Lukacs Cukraszda, a pastry shop which did not get a stellar review in my last book. The manager sent a letter to my publisher stating he was highly offended by the review. His claim is that the pastries are so outrageously priced because they are the same quality as what you would get in Paris or Rome. Well this is not Paris or Rome and the salaries are nowhere near them either. However, giving them a second chance for a new review, we did find the service better, but the prices still too high. Dinner was a reunion of sorts. Besides the three of us, two former students and the son of a friend joined us at Crazy Dszungel restaurant. This delightfully decorated place has different theme rooms with motifs of jungle, desert, pirates, under the sea, and so on. The menu is extensive, the food is fabulous, and the service is excellent. Of course, this was only outshone by the company, which was five stars on its own.

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The Kim Files

As I have mentioned, our friend Kim has come to visit after not seeing each other for about 12 years. We are still not certain exactly how many years it has been, but her daughter who is now 26 years old, was only a pre-teen when we last saw her. Kim is what friendship is all about. When I was living in CA we spent a lot of time together doing things both fun and supportive of each other. When I had a partner dying, Kim was there for me every day without fail. She was my rock and support. I never needed to worry about being alone or even explaining my feelings; she intuitively knew what I was feeling and how to best support me. When it was time to plan the memorial, Kim was there helping me along. We cried together and laughed together. When somehow our lives diverged, I felt the loss and mourned it, but never understood why it happened. There was never a moment in those twelve years that I did not wish it were different. As I have mentioned, we picked up where we left off without skipping a beat. Magically, that gap in time has dissipated, bringing us back the old times. Neither of us can drink bottles of wine and laugh hysterically like we did in years gone by, but we have found that we never did need that wine to laugh and enjoy each other to the fullest. Our agenda has been full. Having Kim to take around has been a great help for my researching my next book. Monday, after her arrival, she decided to by-pass a nap to get in sync with the 9-hour time difference. We went to the Kossuth Museum Boat restaurant for dinner, sat on the outside deck overlooking the well-lit Castle Hill across the Danube. The stars peeked through enriching a perfect view. Tuesday, we ventured to the Museum of Applied Arts to show her an example of Hungarian Secessionist architecture from the outside, but the museum was not open until 2 pm, so we missed the Ottoman style interior. We went instead to the Central Ervin Szabo Library, one of the most beautiful I have seen. From there we ventured down Raday utca stopping to shop and get a quick bite at Pink Cadillac restaurant. Later that evening, we went to Paprika, where we were given dinner on the house. Szentendre was our Wednesday excursion. After taking the HEV there, we wandered around the town. I reviewed the museums, restaurants, and shops once again, but we had plenty of time to browse new shops and galleries. It saddened me to find my favorite store, a unique puppet shop had closed, but was replaced by the Old Goat Gallery, which is wonderful. I am adding it to the book. Of course, we had to stop for a langos at my favorite stand there, and I brought her to the Blue Folk shop so the woman there could enchant her with her stories. Kim being a shopper, I found some great little stores that I had not discovered before. Normally, I am with those who have an aversion to shopping, so getting off of the beaten path to look for fun things is not on the agenda. Now I will have to return alone to make some purchases. We took the ferry back to Budapest, something Ron and I have never done before. It was lovely and peaceful. I imagine in the autumn, it would be spectacular. For dinner, we went to Wasabi, the Running Wok and Sushi restaurant. All food is delivered on two conveyor belts with hot items on top and cold on the bottom. They removed the doors on the top, so the food was only tepid, but still it was fun and a new experience for Kim.

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Reunion

We have our friend Kim visiting from Bremerton, WA. I worked with Kim in Modesto, CA and she and I became fast friends. We were extremely close for a number of years, but she was working on a Masters, I on my doctorate; things fell apart. After almost twelve years of separation, neither of us were sure what happened, but she did come across Ron on Facebook. We reunited via e-mails and she is here now for our reunion. We have picked up where we left off, or left off from the best parts. It is like we were never away from each other. Showing her Budapest and today, Szentendre has been a blast. Last night we went to Paprika Restaurant, one of my favorite restaurants in Budapest. They recognized me as the author of the Frommer's book and comped the whole meal for all three of us. That was a real treat. Off to another dinner.

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