Planning a Wedding

Planning a wedding is a bit like being Santa Claus. We have checked our guest list to see who has been naughty or nice. Initially, we asked people to respond by March 1st to the RSVP e-mail. Okay, it is not March 1st yet, but here is the deal. By now, everyone should have some idea whether or not they are coming. I sent this out as a reminder with the days getting shorter until March 1st even if the days are getting longer as we approach June 21st for the solstice. 

If they gave a clue, it would help in planning. The one ballroom only holds so many people, but the next ballroom up is $1,300 more.Today, the US Embassy really set my Italian temper on edge. We had to pay $150.00 to have three signatures notarized. It turned out that Iowa has a 3 day waiting period for licenses. We will not arrive 3 days early. The waiver of the 3 days that the state mentions, which costs an extra $5 has in fine print that you need a judge to sign the waiver. Since we are staying with Ron's friends, it was ludicrous to ask them to run us around to find a judge. Not just any judge could sign the paper, it had to be a family court judge and there were no guarantees. 

Plan B was to return to the courthouse on Monday morning, pick up the license, run to the minister's and have him sign it retroactively. Then the airline changed our flight from a 6pm departure to a 9am departure. That shot the opportunity all to hell.

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The Music Hit a Sour Note

One likes to believe we are living in enlightened times. Just as I try to convey in my Race and Ethnicity classes when students claim racism is dead, to which I say naturally you do, you are white! Well here is another example with a twist. It is difficult to believe anyone would pass up earning money just because the clients are gay. Well, let me tell you…

We have been trying to find musicians for our reception. Doing it from afar with a 7 hour time difference and cultures apart, has been a hassle. I happened upon a site called Gig Salad, which is apparently a consolidator for entertainers. What I am about to share has nothing to do directly with Gig Salad, but one of the bands they contract with. In fact, initially, I could not register with Gig Salad since their form only includes the US and Canada. After a polite little note about our living situation as well as our needs, they opened the site to Hungary and allowed me to create an account. I was pleased and thus far I continue to be pleased with their service.

I contacted one of bands listed. Their repertoire matched our desires in musical range; there was a little something to please all generations attending. My note was short and to the point.

“Will you work with a male-male couple? Before I explain further, we should get that out of the way.”

Within a day, I received a response. It was not one I wanted to read; nevertheless, it was extremely polite and nonjudgmental. There is no point in naming the band. I am not out for revenge; I appreciate his forthrightness.

Hey Ryan,
Thanks for the inquiry and for asking about working with a same-sex marriage. I really appreciate the respect in asking about that.

I would like to be completely honest in my answer, because you deserve it. So here's my respectful and honest attempt at answering your question -

With our beliefs and backgrounds, we would be uncomfortable doing it so I would prefer to turn it down. I don't want that statement to come across personally; I truly wish the best for you and yours. With whatever level or lack of comfort, I'm afraid our services might not meet our own expectations for you and I wouldn't want your day to be affected by us. There are many wedding vendors that are excited to work with same-sex couples who I believe would provide better service because of it.

If you are looking for photography in particular I may be able to make recommendations if you would like.

Hope you understand! Wish nothing but the best for you!

Thank you,


And the Band Will Play On with another group, hopefully. This is paraphrasing the title of the famous book from 1988 And the Band Played On by Randy Shilts.
Later it became a movie, but this is drifting from the point.

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No Room at the Inn, or Zoo, or Science Center, or...

Who would have thought booking a place for a reception would be so difficult? We wanted something different, but it appears it is not to be. Something in Des Moines is working against us.

We tried the Botanical Gardens and the Science Center. Sorry, we are booked up for Earth Day! Well we promise to recycle if you let us have a reception there. We only want something from 1 to 6pm.

Hoyt Sherman Theater is booked with another wedding reception. Jasper Winery only commits to receptions from 6pm onward. Too much lag time between the service and the reception.

The zoo has their large indoor room booked already, but offered the outdoor space. We thought this may have been a viable option, though the weather in April is unpredictable. Ron wrote the catering manager back, but she immediately wrote with an apology. That is their big Easter event, so the outer room is ‘outer’ our reach too.

Matty at OneIowa.org suggested West End Salvage as a funky, popular place. We checked it out, but they too are booked up for the 19th. People keep asking if we can change the date to the week before or the week after. UH! We waited twenty years and now I am dealing with a school holiday. Can’t Earth Day wait a week? It has lasted this long. Another week won’t hurt.

I have combed the city for suggestions with both Matty, who has been a tremendous help and DMSBride. Yes, I registered just to get ideas. It looks like we will book the Embassy Suites where they are discounting a block of room for our guests.

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