Can You Take a Ribbing?

I managed to arrange a dinner with 8 people we know for dining at Remiz Restaurant Saturday night. The reasoning had multiple motivations. The last two times we have been there, they had the best barbeque ribs outside of Texas. The full portion is 2 full slabs. During the summer, they have a lava stone grill outdoors. I needed to do a restaurant review for Frommer’s and finally I thought it would be fun to introduce this diverse group of individuals to each other. Getting to this place way out in the 2nd district is a pain which is why we have seldom visits.

We arrived at 6:30 pm and did not leave until 10:15. We had a great time talking and discussing a plethora of topics. It was wonderful and everyone enjoyed the company. This is more than I can say for the meal. My ribs were fine, Ron said his tasted like they were recooked from a previous time. Not all had ribs, but there were mixed reviews about the different dishes as well. This will all go into the review.

I thought we would be swallowed in the crowd of diners as this always was a very popular place. In addition to our table of 8, there was another table of 4. That was it. All other tables were set with place settings, but empty the entire time we were there. The host told Ron it was due to the long weekend; Tuesday is the feast of St. Stephen. A vocalist playing a guitar took turns between sitting on his performance platform and coming over to serenade us. He seemed to realize our deep discussions were not to be interrupted by his playing, though he had an excellent voice for John Denver songs.

Sunday, Ron and I hit the 3rd district so I could revisit three museums: Varga Imre Kiállitása, Victor Vasarely Museum, and the Kassák Múzeum. We leave Friday for Bologna and San Marino, so I am trying with great tenacity to get as much done as possible before school starts again.

Run, run, run!

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Florence Was Not a City in Italy

Quite some time ago, I received an e-mail from a woman named Florence. She was coming to Budapest and a friend of hers told her she should contact me. It seemed like the distant future to bother thinking about at the time. Some people have good intentions on meeting, but the tourist bug sucks all of their time. I suggested she call me when she arrived providing her with my mobile number. 

She arrived, she called, we arranged to meet she and her friend Mark for a drink. After the initial greetings, it was like the old routine "Who is on first?" I admitted to them that I could not place a face with the referring friend's name to save my life. The fact that I did multiple searches in all of my e-mail accounts, turned up nothing. Meeting so many people, more so in the last few years with the books, I had to start keeping notes on people as I met them to have memory pegs for later if we should again be in contact. Florence's friends was not in any contact list in any e-mail account. This was driving me crazy, but insatiably curious at the same time.  

Florence said "You know each other from Facebook." 

Ryan said "How did we connect?"

Florence said "You connected through Facebook."

Ryan said "Yes, but how did we find each other initially to connect on Facebook? My general rule is not to accept friend requests unless I know the person."

Florence said "I don't know, but you two have never met."

Ryan said "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Initial frustrations were not going to be satiated, so we went for coffee spending about 2 hours chatting. They are both from my old stomping grounds: NJ and Phila. My parting comment was that I was going to message the referring friend to say "Who the hell are you anyway?" and I did while also pointing out that I was smiling when I typed it, but begged for enlightenment. There is a serious lack of photos facial photos in his profile making it extra maddening.

Yes, he did write me back. He had written me more than a year ago regarding my Frommer's book and we has a brief correspondence before moving on to FB. Mystery solved, but for the future, if you are sending people to meet me, photo IDs are required. :  )

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Anxiety + Relief = Mixed Emotions

My final doctor visit today to get cleared for surgery. Because I could pick my own date, I chose September 11th out of the air. There was a bit of strategy involved, but not much. We have a friend coming to visit that we have not seen for over ten years; it would be shameful to disrupt her stay with a hospital visit. She is a nurse manager, so she may have found it novel. Anyway, she leaves on the 3rd. I wanted a Friday to recuperate over the weekend, so I could go back to school on the following Tuesday. I begged the doctor to let me go home the same day, but hospital "law" (his word) is an overnighter. Now that I have a date, there is plenty of time to alternate between repression and consuming fear.

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Who Hath Come A Knock'in?

It is one thing to have old acquaintances contact you out of the blue by e-mail, but when they show up at your door, that is down right spooky. Well, in this case, not so spooky, we had warning, but still... A nurse I had worked with in my past life sent an e-mail that she and her husband were cruising the Danube with a stop over in Budapest. They wanted to get together and take us out for dinner. The arrangement was to meet at our place, thinking they would like to see it, which they did. After wine and some appetizers, we ventured off to one of our favorites, Ko Leves (minus the Hungarian accent marks). It means Stone Soup, if you are familiar with the tale for children. Betty is a dear and good for a laugh. Her husband, Keith was great also. The evening was better than I had anticipated, especially when I realized we were meeting on a Monday, not a Sunday. As much as we are socially deprived, I resist evening activity on nights before a school day the next morning. Betty had not known we ran a B and B, nor did was she aware that I wrote the Frommer's guide and chapters to two other Frommer's books. Her excitement was refreshing. Dinner was lovely as usual. Then we asked for the bill came. Just out of courtesy, I slipped Ron a 10,000 Huf note as I excused myself for the restroom. When I returned, they were determining who owed what. How did my courteous behavior spiral into 'sure you can pay your own dinner'? The moral of the story is when somone asks you out to dinner, do not share with them your five week vacation in Australia, the fact you just remodeled your kitchen, you are retiling your entry hallway, or that you have written travel guides. There is something in those words that translate into 'you must be able to buy your own dinner. Not being one to hold a grudge, well at least not this time, we did walk them back to their ship. What really enlightened me was the tone of voice they used when they said "We noticed your Obama pins on your jacket." Earlier conversation pointed to their dissatisfaction with the economy, but who knew our political affiliation would cost us a dinner. The next time we are 'invited' out to dinner by suspected Republicans, I want the offer in a contract first.

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Voices From the Past

About a year ago, I received an e-mail out of the blue from an old roommate from Modesto, CA. The strange part about it was that we had lost touch years before while I was still living there. He was gay and Mormon; for him it was a crippling situation that he could not resolve. When he was in full Mormon swing, all of his gay or gay friendly friends were suddenly purged from his life. When being on the inside of Mormonism looking out became overwhelming, he would return to each of begging to forgive him for his actions. For the most part, we were forgiving, pointing him in the direction of 'Affirmation' the gay Mormon group, but he did not find solace there either. After this rubber band back and forth, it finally snapped. We did not hear from him again. His e-mails since are from an entirely different person. He credits two different therapists in two different states for his renewal. It is a pleasure to communicate with him again. Through him, I had met a lesbian who I had befriended for a number of years. For a number of reasons, mostly pertaining to her mental health, we parted ways. I have to say, she was a fantastic cook and baker. I missed that part of the friendship as well as the socialization. She too resurfaced in an e-mail about six months ago. We maintain a casual writing relationship. Our paths are so very different now, there are few commonalities beyond pleasantries, but that is fine. Then there was the former student who tracked me down not to very long ago. She shared her professional accomplishments based on the college course she took with me. A couple of weeks ago, a nurse I used to work with found me after ten years to say she and her husband would be in Budapest while on a Danube cruise. They want to get together for dinner. Last week, she shared that the husband of another nurse we worked with had been killed in a motoring accident. He was on a bicycle, hit by a motorcycle. Again, I had lost touch with this couple, but not to lack of trying. I sent them notes and cards, but they were both devastated when we left. We were close. They never responded to my overtures via post and at the time, did not have a computer. I have obtained the phone number and will be calling tonight to share my loss. Jim was one of the few non-gay men who allowed me to be completely comfortable around him without having to be anything other than me. Just knowing he is not walking the earth any longer is heartbreaking. I have thought of the two of them so often over the years. They were both special people in my life. Last night, right before going to bed, I happened to check the e-mail. Ron received a Facebook message stating "I found you while looking for Ryan James. You have a travel picture in your profile, which makes sense. If you lived in Modesto, CA then this is the correct person. Otherwise, ignore this message. This is Kim and I would like to get in touch with you guys again." Dare I say this was another nurse I was really close to for a number of years. Like deja vu, one day we were friends, the next she would not pick up the phone or respond to any outreach. To this day, I am uncertain what happened, but her friendship was a great loss. She is a single parent and I watched her daughter grow. I have thought of both of them often over the years wondering what they are doing. I went into Facebook, searched for her and sent her a friend request. She accepted it. Now, I am waiting for an e-mail. I sent her my addresss. It just strikes me as weird how these past contacts are returning to my present after all of these years. The rest of it either speaks to my choice of friends or there is something in my relating to people that I am missing causing them to go undercover for years, finally feeling safe to resurface. Either way, it is gratifying that they do. They all have had a special place in my heart and life that was left empty for a number of years. Now, maybe those holes can be patched up.

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Belated Valentine's Day

I am behind again. Yesterday was Valentine's Day or the hump day of the week, since it fell on Wednesday. When I made it home, there were some crocus on the kitchen table from Ron. Then there was an e-card in my mail. I was so consumed with school, I did not think to do anything for him. As young people say, "my bad".

We went out for dinner with Chris, Mark, Nicole, and Lynn to a small Hungarian restaurant in the 13th district. Lynn and Nicole gave Ron and I, as well as Mark and Chris, a homemade Valentine. I suspect it was Lynn who actually did the construction, but it was a cute idea.

Dinner was great, but the company was the best. All in all, it was a lovely evening.

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Funny Notes

A friend of mine sent this to me with some other funny notes, but I don't think I will try calling him and leaving a message any time soon. I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I don't return your call, you are one of the changes."

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Happy Thanksgiving

When we lived in CA, Thanksgiving was one of my favorite holidays of the year. Yes, I loved Halloween too, but Thanksgiving was more meaningful. Our tradition was to invite any friend or acquaintance who did not have others to share the day with to come for dinner. We always ate mid-day to have a longer evening to relax, share, and sometimes play cards or just talk. This also gave us time to digest from a hearty meal, so we could attack the leftovers one more time.

The meal always started with pumpkin soup and it was served in a beautiful pumpkin shaped tureen that my friend Brian had made for me years ago. Even those that do not like pumpkin, have tried and loved my soup. Then the meal would consist of all of the usual fixings, but I always added my grandmother’s stuffed mushrooms as an added side dish.

Living here in Budapest, our holidays are different. I had to teach on Thanksgiving since it is not a holiday here. As I walked home, I forgot to stop wondering why people were not rushing home for their last minute preparations as I was. We too continue to enjoy the holiday in a modified way. One cannot buy whole turkeys here unless you order them ahead of time, but our oven is so small, it would be impossible to cook a complete dinner with the turkey stealing all of the room. We bought a healthy sized turkey breast instead. The conveniences that I was used to at home, do not exist here. I had to make stuffing from scratch. It turned out better than what I had made in the States, surprisingly. We also had green beans and parsnips. Ron found sweet potatoes at a store at the end of the red metro. I made fresh mashed potatoes, squash pudding, and by chance, we found dried cranberries in the supermarket. Ron boiled them in water and a bit of orange juice, then cut up bits of orange rind. It was a delicious relish. We almost did not miss the turkey gravy and the fresh baked rolls. The turkey comes boneless and skinless, so there was no juice to try to make a gravy.

Continuing with our tradition, we invited a new friend that Ron made in his Art Museum Docent Training Program. Mark’s partner works here for a US company, as an accountant. Chris had to fly to London for work on Wednesday, so Mark was alone and came to share our dinner. We had a great time, though I kept thinking of all of the special serving bowls that would decorate the table at home, sitting in storage now. The food and company more than made up for any feeling of loss. Mark found Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and brought that for dessert. No pumpkin pie since there are no cooking pumpkins in Hungary and as close as squash is, it is not close enough for me. Then to make my own evaporated milk, was beyond my time limits.

Latter that evening, some of the Fulbrighters came over for wine and chatter. We had a eight others here, making for a festive evening. This certainly made it feel like a holiday and a special occasion.

Counting all that I am thankful for, I have to start with Ron and his willingness to stand by my side living here. Living here, regardless of the trials at times, is well worth it and I am thankful for the ability to do so. I love this city. As well, I adore my students and want the best for them. Sometimes they think I am too demanding on them, but I want to make them the best they can be. When they share with me the little opportunity they have to get time and attention from other staff, I am thankful I have the time to give for those that want it. I am especially thankful for those students who feel a need or desire to take me under their wing and be my translator, my helper, my teaching assistant, and my friend. I am thankful for the Fulbrighters that we meet each year and those who stay friends long after they have left. I am thankful for our friends who we have left behind long ago, but still love us enough to stay in touch and send up little gifts from time to time.

I am thankful for all who read my blog. It makes me feel like my voice is heard beyond those whose faces I know.

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