Humor Me

In my case, it is after I hit Publish. Either way, until this blog becomes a paying venture, you will just have to overlook mistakes. I am a better editor when there is a financial reward. I am kind of like Pavlov's dogs in that respect. 

 

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No Tasty Italian Zestiness for Prudes or Prunes

If I were a believer, I would say Oh My God!, but I am not, so I am left without a recognizable expression until I create one that becomes catchy enough to spread virally. In the meantime, let’s address the issue at hand. One Million Moms are at it again. They are protesting Kraft Foods do this company’s audacity to use the “Zesty Guy” as a spokesperson.

They claim they cannot have Kraft food products in their refrigerator as it may taint the other food items within, which may cause a s*xual revolution. Oh yeah, they use * in place of certain letters because their spam filters are so tightly wrapped, they will not allow words such as s-e-x through without a condom and STD clearance first. They are so affected with Victorian beliefs, they only use limp lettuce leaves for their salad since anything firm would be arousing. Sorry, no cucumbers, please.

I want Verizon to check the smartphone records from these One Million Moms and report any secret sauce they are slipping into their shopping cart. Maybe someone should remind them that all supermarkets have video surveillance. Big Siblings are watching you, so don’t get Krafty or you will be outed with some Italian guy undressing before your lustful eyes as you are being monitored with a drool-ometer. They will only monitor your mouth, because chances are your nether parts are as dry as a wishbone that has set out in the summer sun for days.

Their organ-ization put out this release “Christians will not be able to buy Kraft dressings or any of their products until they clean up their advertising. The consumers they are attempting to attract — women and mothers — are the very ones they are driving away. Who will want Kraft products in their fridge or pantry if this vulgarity is what they represent?”

Coincidentally or ironically, these issues just add fuel to the fire. Over One Million Gay or Bisexual Men live in the US. Some would buy the product just to support the humor of the commercial, even if it sits at the back of the pantry. Then there are the supportive others, gay women included here who can take a decent joke when it interrupts the latest episode of Scandal or Mad Men.

Anderson Davis, the actor/model in the commercials is not the hottest looking man I have ever seen, but his career has certainly skyrocketed, because of it. So, One Million Moms, turn off the daytime TV shows, because I see he has appeared on LIVE with Kelly and Michael and most likely more than I am aware of at the moment. Being Italian and at times a krafty person, I find this to be very prejudicial to my heritage and personality traits in general.

Is it One Million Moms or One Million Mini Minds?

If you need to see more to make up your own mind (Ha, Ha, Ha!!) click on over to the YouTube channel to see the four current ads. More are in development.

If you REALLY want to blow some one out of the water, show them this video! They will never eat chicken the same way again.

Related articles

• One Million Moms Mad At Kraft Salad Dressing Ad Because Picnics Should Involve More Clothing (?)
• Insanely Hot Dept.: Mr. Zesty Strikes Again
• He's Just too Zesty for Mom's

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Decisions, Decisions!

Are these university students who now realize they will have to repay the cost of their education if they decide to leave the country upon graduation? Are they weighing their options? Or is this just another strange Budapest sighting caught on camera?

You first and we will follow right behind you.

I changed my mind. Who moved the ladder?

Yo! Taxi!! Help me outta here.

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Guess! Can You?

I was coming back from the gym the other day and has a woman approach me wearing a shirt like this one. Before she could say anything, I said 
“Okay, let me guess. One you are way too old to be wearing that t-shirt, but with your make-up and high heels I would guess you think you can get 20,000 Huf for a half hour. Well, guess again, honey.”

Guess what happened next. 

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Sit, Stay, Look Cute

I was walking down the street last week and as I passed a bank, I spotted this dog sitting outside the door. He or she was so cute; I had to snap a picture. 

Like most dogs here, I was totally ignored as if I were invisible. If I had a steak in my hand, it would not have mattered. This was a dog, like most here have the same reason for living. Their sole purpose is to single-mindedly wait for their owner to return. 

Hopefully, the owner would return with enough money to reward this faithful pooch.

Related articles

• Kind of Cute
• 24 Hours O' Cute: Show Us Your Buns
• MaggieMoose: Laughter A Day Keeps The Serious Away

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Speaking of Jobs

Today's chuckle. Steve Jobs at the Pearly Gates.

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Panhandler Party

My friend Mike Golan from Pompano Beach, Florida sent this to me and it is too funny not to share. If you have ever ridden subways extensively, chances are you can relate.

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This Says It All

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For Nigel

Yesterday, my friend Nigel just as little Alexander, was having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Alexander was created by Judith Viorst. Nigel was created by... oh forget it. 

If you don't know Alexander, you can meet him here. To cheer up Nigel, I am embedding this video that Ron found and forwarded to me. Before you start to view it, remember this: in order to get the full joke, you have to continue watching beyond the credits. The punchline comes after they roll. It is well worth watching. 



BOB from Jacob Frey on Vimeo.

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Summer, What Summer?

The weather this season has fluctuation between summer and late autumn. One friend said he felt cheated out of having a summer. Our friend Anna sent this this. It sums up the weather nicely.

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Just for Laughs

When we have B and B guests, I am hesitant to go into the living room to use my computer at 4am, 5am, or 6 am when I cannot sleep. I wander into the kitchen, close myself in and use Ron's/the guests' computer instead. 

This morning, l was looking over Ron's bookmarks across his Chrome browser bar and I spotted one for e-cards. Curious me needs to meander to the site. Where Ron found this site, I don't know. The e-cards are irreverent to say the very least. Why he has not shared this is another mystery. They are my kind of humor. 

Here is one very mild Mother's Day example.

 

What really caught my attention was on the right sidebar; there were lists of fun things. You can sneak a peek, but not before you finish reading this post. My personal favorite was the "The 11 best unintentionally sexual church sign", but not even I will reproduce those here. You have to see them for yourself if you can handle it. The next best were "The world's 13 most brilliantly pointless street fliers." One of the fliers had me guffaw out loud with such gusto, even with the kitchen door closes, I am sure I disturbed someone's sleep. This is my favorite. The look on the face is priceless.

I hope you had a chuckle today. Now you may leave me to read the links I gave you.

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Thanks to Paul Roberts...

Thanks to Paul Roberts...he has identified the source of the quote "You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth" from a previous post. It is attributed to American Humorist Evan Esar. If you just uttered, "Huh?" So did I. If you like quotes, especially humorous ones, check out the twenty-two quotes here. Another of his quotes I really identify with is "America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."

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Humor for the Day

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Don't Leave Me a Voice Mail

Today's humor is courtesy of Doghouse. The fact is, this is exactly what my mobile carrier makes me go through, but I think it is to help me waste my free minutes. I fooled them; I no longer check voice mail messages. Uh, perhaps because I don't have anyone to leave me a message to begin with. Yea and if you have not yet had laser eye surgery, you can click on the cartoon to enlarge it for reading.

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More Humor

Yes, I have better things I could be doing, but I just returned from the dentist and am having a meltdown. Yesterday was a yet another medical doctor appointment. Fast and efficient, but another Rx to have filled and two more weeks of waiting. It is tough getting older. I am waiting for my new computer to be delivered today with Windows Home Server. All five of our computers will be hooked up to the server and then I will load over 700 movies over time onto it. Then guests can watch movies on their laptop in their room. Now for the humor. Note: I have no idea where these originated, so am not purposefully infringing on anyone's copyright.

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Idle Thoughts

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why does "slow down" mean the same thing as "slow up"? 7. Why do "fat chance" and ”slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? 11. Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a "wise man" and”wise guy” opposites? 14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? 16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular??? 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you have only one? 27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? 28. Why are shrimp called Jumbo?

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UnBEARable Humor

The heat may be getting to me, but this struck a funny bone.

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Instructional Video - I Don't Give Squat

I think the Asians have the right idea. Can we call this squatters rights? I am sick of cleaning toilets. Just in case I get the remodeling bug again, future guests had better take notes. We will supply the paper though, it is the least we can do. Come to think of it, we may need to put in handrails too. And then there is the video camera...Is America's Funniest Videos still on the air?

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Pig Humor

Bad word alert: This cartoon has been going around; there is a naughty word in it. Read at your own risk.

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Jesting

To paraphrase Freud, there are many truths said in jest. With that said, this came to my mailbox yesterday. Sung to the tune of the song Yesterday

Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me The system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrong What it was I could not say. Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday.

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