Tuesday, June 18, 2013

No Tasty Italian Zestiness for Prudes or Prunes

If I were a believer, I would say Oh My God!, but I am not, so I am left without a recognizable expression until I create one that becomes catchy enough to spread virally. In the meantime, let’s address the issue at hand. One Million Moms are at it again. They are protesting Kraft Foods do this company’s audacity to use the “Zesty Guy” as a spokesperson.

They claim they cannot have Kraft food products in their refrigerator as it may taint the other food items within, which may cause a s*xual revolution. Oh yeah, they use * in place of certain letters because their spam filters are so tightly wrapped, they will not allow words such as s-e-x through without a condom and STD clearance first. They are so affected with Victorian beliefs, they only use limp lettuce leaves for their salad since anything firm would be arousing. Sorry, no cucumbers, please.

I want Verizon to check the smartphone records from these One Million Moms and report any secret sauce they are slipping into their shopping cart. Maybe someone should remind them that all supermarkets have video surveillance. Big Siblings are watching you, so don’t get Krafty or you will be outed with some Italian guy undressing before your lustful eyes as you are being monitored with a drool-ometer. They will only monitor your mouth, because chances are your nether parts are as dry as a wishbone that has set out in the summer sun for days.

Their organ-ization put out this release “Christians will not be able to buy Kraft dressings or any of their products until they clean up their advertising. The consumers they are attempting to attract — women and mothers — are the very ones they are driving away. Who will want Kraft products in their fridge or pantry if this vulgarity is what they represent?”

Coincidentally or ironically, these issues just add fuel to the fire. Over One Million Gay or Bisexual Men live in the US. Some would buy the product just to support the humor of the commercial, even if it sits at the back of the pantry. Then there are the supportive others, gay women included here who can take a decent joke when it interrupts the latest episode of Scandal or Mad Men.

Anderson Davis, the actor/model in the commercials is not the hottest looking man I have ever seen, but his career has certainly skyrocketed, because of it. So, One Million Moms, turn off the daytime TV shows, because I see he has appeared on LIVE with Kelly and Michael and most likely more than I am aware of at the moment. Being Italian and at times a krafty person, I find this to be very prejudicial to my heritage and personality traits in general.

Is it One Million Moms or One Million Mini Minds?

If you need to see more to make up your own mind (Ha, Ha, Ha!!) click on over to the YouTube channel to see the four current ads. More are in development.

If you REALLY want to blow some one out of the water, show them this video! They will never eat chicken the same way again.
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