For Your 411

The lives of ex-pats are far from peaches and cream. Two days ago, we received postcards from United Parcel Service stating they attempted to deliver to us, but could not find our name on the doorbell. Easy remedy, call and give them the name of our business which is on the doorbell. Problem solved. 


What they had for us was our new Diners Club - MasterCard cards with...are you ready for this, a microchip. Now I am impressed since European and Asian credit cards have been using the chip for almost a decade now. We ran into a problem using our card in Malaysia once, because they only use the chipped cards, so they did not know how (or did not want) to use it the old-fashioned way, but swiping it or even more old-fashioned, call it in for approval. 


The difference with this chip card is that you need to know your pin number each time the card is used in a chip terminal. Well, that is a hassle, remembering yet another code. Still, I am applauding one US company for getting on the band wagon of modernity. Now, I need to call in to confirm receipt of the card to activate it. On the letter and the card itself, it states for calls from outside of the US, call us collect at 1-514-877-1577. 


I have mastered collect calling from Hungary. First I call AT&T at 06-8000-1112. A friendly automated female sing-songy voice states "AT&T", then a second sing-songy voice from an obvious second woman commands "Please enter the number you are calling...NOW!" Emphasis on now. I have often wondered why one woman didn't get both gigs to record the messages. Maybe one was the winner and the other a first runner up or understudy when woman 1 gets as sore throat. I entered 1-514-877-1577 after which the AT&T lady starts to get greedy with the prompt "Enter your calling card number and pin or your credit card number and 4 digit expiration date NOW!" You just have this sense she is ready to start working the cash register as you rack up a bill making this call. The trick here is not to touch the keypad of the phone. This moves you into the next prompt. "Please say calling card, credit card, operator, collect, NOW!" By this time, I am never sure whether I should salute at the NOW command or just do Heil Hitler. 


Experience has taught me that if you say collect, you are setting yourself up for another go around of calls. Almost 100% of the credit card companies have robots answering their phones to is that sicking sweet voice sharing "Welcome to Diners Club! If this is an overseas operator, YESSSSSS, we will accept the call." Their yes makes them sound like you have been kidnapped and they have been waiting for the ransom call. The AT&& robot doesn't play nice with others, so instead of trying to communicate, it turns to you and says "It seems as if we have reached a machine. Please hang up and try your call again later." What a hypocrite coming from a machine. 


I made my call using 1-514-877-1577, saying operator instead of collect. This is where the bait and switch is really evident. Until now, all the voices were like your Italian grandmother's welcoming you to the Sunday dinner. Once you get a real person, you can go one of two ways: the Wicked Witch of the West or your Fairy Godmother. My first attempt with this call was the witch. 


Me- "Yes, operator this is a collect call, but it will be answered by a machine. I need you to stay on the line." 
Witch - "I don't' handle collect calls to Canada." Click, she hangs up on me.
Me - Scratching my head, thinking Canada? What is she talking about? This is Diners Club US I am calling. Maybe I dialed it in wrong, so I call again.
Fairy Godmother - "I am sorry, but I cannot handle collect calls to Canada."
Me - "You mean that the 514 area code is Canadian? But it says right here on my card to call this number collect if you are outside of the US. I am outside and far away. They said on the literature with the card that I could call this number toll free from anywhere outside of the US. What do I do now?"
Fairy Godmother - "That may be, but I cannot do collect calls to Canada, only US numbers. You will have to have a Hungarian operator place the call for you."
Me - "Apparently AT&T has not heard about NAFTA. Thanks anyway. One last thing, do you know the number for a Hungarian operator?"


411 is the number for calling telephone information anywhere in the US. Now I have to hunt one down for Hungary. I asked 7 Hungarians how to reach an operator to make a collect call and not one could tell me.

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Steal My Idea, Please!

If you are reading this, you should read the immediately prior post first. This is a continuation. 

MediaMarkt's need for multiple copies of papers again made me disgusted with the waste of natural resources. Yet, once again, each time I complain about something Hungarian, close on its tail is a similar American example to show that differences are not all that wide. 

I had received my contract from Frommer's for the chapter of the new Europe by Rail book. It was efficiently scanned into a PDF file and e-mailed to me. I printed out the signature sheet only, signed it, scanned and sent it back to them feeling eco so green. Alas, the editorial assistant e-mailed me back with compliments on my efficiency; however, they need 6 copies of my 4 page contract for legal reasons. Six copies? She offered to print out 6 copies of the first 3 pages if I would print out 6 copies of the signature page, sign all and mail them. I opted for this. It would be expensive printing out 24 sheets of paper when ink cartridges are double that of the US, plus I would have to pay extra for the mailing of them.

This got me to thinking about credit cards. In Europe, bank credit cards have evolved beyond the US by implanting chips into them. There are special chip credit card readers that do not accept the US old fashioned type of card causing much distress for US travelers. 

Why can't we move to a card chip technology? Instead of printing out sheets of paper, why can't we put the contract, the receipts, all other paperwork on a chip in a credit card? This is how I see it playing out. I hand a credit card sized chip card to the television salesman. He puts it into his card reader machine attached to the sales computer and downloads my purchase. I bring the card to the cashier. She uploads the information into her register, applies my charge card payment, and then after ticking a box that shows it is a tax-related item, downloads the receipt, warranty, and all other related information to my chip card. I now have a permanent record on my chip card. 

When I get home, I put my chip card into the chip card reader attached to my computer, upload the data and then choose to either delete it off of my chip card or let it remain there in an encrypted file for later reference. No paperwork!

Frommer's or similar companies can send you a link to a site to download a contract onto your chip card. You digitally sign the contract, upload it to your chip card and then electronically upload it back to the site. Six copies are no longer needed or at the bare minimum, they download your signed copy to 6 chip cards for their legal department.

With technology as it is today, a small chip card can carry just about the entire Library of Congress on it and still fit into a credit card slot in your wallet without bulging. Having once had the harrowing experience of being audited by the IRS getting dinged for paper receipts and proof of business travel I could not find, this would have been a saving grace. For business people, you would have a business chip card. Anything that is tax deductible, you use this chip card for. Even when ordering off of the Internet, you insert your chip card into your personal chip card reader attached to your computer. You tick the box on the Internet order form that shows "Is this a deductible expense?" Then it downloads a copy of the receipt onto the chip card for storage. You also do the same with all of your tax forms and records. The IRS calls you for an audit. You turn over your chip card and you are done. Out of pure paranoia, I still have 7 boxes of business tax records in storage dating back to 1989. All of that could have been put on a chip.

Backing up the chip card can be automated to cloud storage. You lose your card or your wallet/purse is stolen, the chip is encrypted with a pin number, so no loss of identity. You just purchase a new card and you are ready to go again.

If I had the technological know-how, this is what I would design, promote and sell with no worries about a retirement fund. Alas, I don't have that knowledge, but would love to see the technology in my lifetime. You saw it here first. I want 10% finders fees.

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