Saturday, November 06, 2010

Bank of America Reaches New Low

If you are a regular reader, you will know I have a long history with hating Bank of America. Before someone shouts out the usual U.S. response "Love It or Leave It", let me say I have tried. It is impossible to try to open a bank account with a concrete bank, not a virtual one without doing it in person. 

This is my latest B of A ragtime blues. I wanted to switch our savings account from regular savings to a Certificate of Deposit. We had a CD before buying the Florida condo, but I closed it then not knowing how much access we would need to quick cash. Now they don't have that type of CD any longer. That CD only had a 3 month roll around. Every 3 months you had 7 days to add or withdraw. Options now are relegated to 12 months, however, they do have a savings maximizer. 

Here are the clinchers. B of A now owns half of America, but when I call, I can only speak to a California representative, because that is where my account was opened originally. Californians must be so haughty or naughty they need their own representatives to handle their accounts. However, California offices do not open until 3 hours later than the general call center for the rest of the country, which means "don't even dare think about calling until after 6pm Budapest time."

Well, I called to switch over the savings from one to the other. Forty-five minutes on the phone and presumably it was done according to Karen who helped me. Two weeks later, I receive a letter stating it was not possible. Karen is a dirty rotten liar and should not have told me it would be that easy. Tough patoots on you mister. But in all fairness, we did give Karen a promotion, because she really has great phone skills.

Call number 2 - Well, the reason they could not open the account is because a MAXIMIZER savings is linked to a checking account, so to open an account of that type, they need to create an entirely new checking/savings account combo. Okay, fine. Do it. They are so sorry, but even if I have been a client (no longer do they use customer) since the early days of evolution, they still need me to stand on my head and spit nickels while clapping both feet to the tune of Yankee Doodle. Well, God knows I am really out of practice, but I managed, had it videotaped for their archives, but not YouTube and we culminated the call close to an hour later. Again, it was collect, so they paid the phone bill. The new account was to appear online when I signed in after an anticipation period of 3 business days. Computers can do things instantly, but people need three days to make you really appreciative.

A week later, call number 3 was to Justin, a California rep right from the start when our online account looked the same as usual. I hate the shade of blue they use on their site. I wish I could decorate it myself, just enough to give it more appeal. Justin had me feeling like 3 IS the charm. Justin confides in me that our record is clean. There are no records of my having called in the past and is wondering if I am delusional or just called a wrong international collect number only to have provided all of my financial information to a stranger. 

Justin was so empathetic, I knew he had my welfare both financial and mental in his best interest, because he shared that if he had not gone into banking, he assuredly had a secondary option of having sex reassignment surgery specifically so he could join Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity. Just one more week of waiting and we would see the difference in our online account.

A week plus has passed. Nothing has changed with the account. If I ever run into Justin, he will be able to join the good sisters of the Missionaries of Charity without worrying about surgery.

Though I have a box of checks we will never need, every deposit slip has been used. Originally, I had asked someone at the bank if I could just scan and print out the last slips I had, but was told it was impossible. A package arrived; it was a box of deposit slips.  

Today, the paper statement is in the mail. I am rather compulsive about balancing the checkbook and more so living abroad. Damn if B of A did not add salt to a festering wound. Those %##$)(& charged us $61.84 for the printing, shipping, and taxes for one lousy box of deposit slips. There oughta be a law...Enhanced by Zemanta

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