For Your 411

The lives of ex-pats are far from peaches and cream. Two days ago, we received postcards from United Parcel Service stating they attempted to deliver to us, but could not find our name on the doorbell. Easy remedy, call and give them the name of our business which is on the doorbell. Problem solved. 


What they had for us was our new Diners Club - MasterCard cards with...are you ready for this, a microchip. Now I am impressed since European and Asian credit cards have been using the chip for almost a decade now. We ran into a problem using our card in Malaysia once, because they only use the chipped cards, so they did not know how (or did not want) to use it the old-fashioned way, but swiping it or even more old-fashioned, call it in for approval. 


The difference with this chip card is that you need to know your pin number each time the card is used in a chip terminal. Well, that is a hassle, remembering yet another code. Still, I am applauding one US company for getting on the band wagon of modernity. Now, I need to call in to confirm receipt of the card to activate it. On the letter and the card itself, it states for calls from outside of the US, call us collect at 1-514-877-1577. 


I have mastered collect calling from Hungary. First I call AT&T at 06-8000-1112. A friendly automated female sing-songy voice states "AT&T", then a second sing-songy voice from an obvious second woman commands "Please enter the number you are calling...NOW!" Emphasis on now. I have often wondered why one woman didn't get both gigs to record the messages. Maybe one was the winner and the other a first runner up or understudy when woman 1 gets as sore throat. I entered 1-514-877-1577 after which the AT&T lady starts to get greedy with the prompt "Enter your calling card number and pin or your credit card number and 4 digit expiration date NOW!" You just have this sense she is ready to start working the cash register as you rack up a bill making this call. The trick here is not to touch the keypad of the phone. This moves you into the next prompt. "Please say calling card, credit card, operator, collect, NOW!" By this time, I am never sure whether I should salute at the NOW command or just do Heil Hitler. 


Experience has taught me that if you say collect, you are setting yourself up for another go around of calls. Almost 100% of the credit card companies have robots answering their phones to is that sicking sweet voice sharing "Welcome to Diners Club! If this is an overseas operator, YESSSSSS, we will accept the call." Their yes makes them sound like you have been kidnapped and they have been waiting for the ransom call. The AT&& robot doesn't play nice with others, so instead of trying to communicate, it turns to you and says "It seems as if we have reached a machine. Please hang up and try your call again later." What a hypocrite coming from a machine. 


I made my call using 1-514-877-1577, saying operator instead of collect. This is where the bait and switch is really evident. Until now, all the voices were like your Italian grandmother's welcoming you to the Sunday dinner. Once you get a real person, you can go one of two ways: the Wicked Witch of the West or your Fairy Godmother. My first attempt with this call was the witch. 


Me- "Yes, operator this is a collect call, but it will be answered by a machine. I need you to stay on the line." 
Witch - "I don't' handle collect calls to Canada." Click, she hangs up on me.
Me - Scratching my head, thinking Canada? What is she talking about? This is Diners Club US I am calling. Maybe I dialed it in wrong, so I call again.
Fairy Godmother - "I am sorry, but I cannot handle collect calls to Canada."
Me - "You mean that the 514 area code is Canadian? But it says right here on my card to call this number collect if you are outside of the US. I am outside and far away. They said on the literature with the card that I could call this number toll free from anywhere outside of the US. What do I do now?"
Fairy Godmother - "That may be, but I cannot do collect calls to Canada, only US numbers. You will have to have a Hungarian operator place the call for you."
Me - "Apparently AT&T has not heard about NAFTA. Thanks anyway. One last thing, do you know the number for a Hungarian operator?"


411 is the number for calling telephone information anywhere in the US. Now I have to hunt one down for Hungary. I asked 7 Hungarians how to reach an operator to make a collect call and not one could tell me.

Related articles

• Chip and PIN Credit Card Processing (creditcardprocessing.net)
• Chip cards help reduce debit fraud: Interac (canada.com)
• Debit fraud down thanks to chip cards, says Interac (windsorstar.com)
• Chip cards help reduce debit fraud: Interac (vancouversun.com)

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Mobile Phone Rip-off

This post is mostly thanks to Debbie Littlejohn, the editor of WXP News. This makes me praise Europe, where my phone is unlocked, not tied into any particular company. I am free to change services whenever.

If you're a smartphone user with all the bells and whistles on your account, it can be downright scary when you take a look at how much you pay your cell phone company over the course of a year. Let's take a typical connected couple, with both people having phones on a Verizon family plan. If they don't talk much, the lowest priced voice plan they can get is for 700 minutes. That costs $100/month if you want text messaging, or $70/month for talk only. Data packages range from $10/month for 25 MB to $45/month (per phone) for the business data plan. Most will need at least the 30/month unlimited consumer plan, so now we're up to around $160/month. 

Let's say you have the Droid X phones and you want to be able to use your phones as wi-fi hotspots when you travel. That's $20/month more, per phone. What if you want GPS navigation? That's another $10/month, per phone. Now we're at $220/month. Tack on fees for Visual Voice Mail ($3/month) and VCAST video on demand ($10/month) and it's $246/month. Oh, and if you want insurance on those phones, add another $6- 8/month, for a total of around $260/month. That's over three thousand dollars per year - but wait! We haven't added in taxes and surcharges and all those other little special fees that can add 20-30% to your bill. Being optimistic and assuming only 20%, that brings your annual expenditure for cell phone service for two people to $3744, and that excludes the $400 you paid for those subsidized phones. 

Of course, not all of us need or want all of those services, and costs vary depending on provider. Sprint, for instance, has a $99/month (per phone) plan that includes unlimited "everything" (talk, text, web, email). But then they charge an extra $10/month if you have a 4G capable phone like the HTC EVO (whether or not you're in an area that has 4G service) and $30/month for wi-fi hotspot capability. With insurance, your monthly charges for two come to $284 excluding the taxes and fees - and those EVOs cost you $300 each. 

Okay, then what about an iPhone? Your family plan with 700 minutes costs $70/month (and you do get rollover). If you want to tether, the data plan is $45/month per phone, and unlimited texting is $30/month (for both phones on the family plan). AT&T Navigator is $10/month. In other words, the service prices are the same as Verizon's (coincidence?) and your iPhone 4 costs $200- 300 each, depending on whether it has 16GB or 32GB of storage (better spring for the 32, since there's no microSD slot). 

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Bank of America Collect

After my experience with the Bank of America collect phone numbers a few days ago, I went right to Jajah to make the call to find out why my PIN is not working. Not only can you not make toll-free calls from Europe, Jajah would not accept them either. Call the regular number, get through, get put on hold, wait, wait, wait, "Your call is important to us, please stay on the line." If my call is so important, why don't you have someone answering it sooner? Even if Jajah is cheap, I don't like using all of my credit on one call while on hold. Just as I am about to hang up, I get a person asking for my credit card number. I am not calling about a credit card, but an ATM card. "Which bank?" Duh!! I called the number on the back of my Bank of America card, that should be a no brainer. Bank of America!! "I will have to transfer you to someone in the ATM division. Click, music, hold. Wait, wait, wait. Ten minutes pass. Getting ready to hang up again, "Hello, my name is Sherry, how can I help you?" I tell Sherry about the new card, the assurances that nothing has changed and now I cannot access my money. "I am so sorry to hear that, we will fix that right away." Well Sherry, I sorry to make you sorry. I hope you are not going to lose sleep over this tonight. Sherry is working away and I can hear her typing, then beep, beep, beep. I lost Sherry and her sympathy; we were disconnected. I call back, the same hold time, I get a person who is in credit, not ATMs. I am wondering whatever happened to cross-training. Does one need separate degrees in credit cards and ATMs where they cannot all do the same job? She transfers me, the wait time is shorter, but I get a phone tree. "If you want to know your account balance, press one. For other options, press two." Press two. "If you want to know the last check that has cleared your account, press three...." No choices for a live person. "For more options, press nine." Press nine. No good, no live person. I press 0, hoping to get an operator. "I am sorry, that function is not operational." Hang up on mechanical Joe. I call again. Tell the first person I am calling from Europe, I am paying for the call, and I don't want a phone tree that is not going to offer me the option I want without wasting my time and money. "I am so sorry for your inconvenience." Really, well then reimburse me for these calls. Transfer. Phone tree, mechanical Joe again. Hang up. I try once more. Get the credit division, tell her calmly that I am going to close our accounts due to the poor service; I get the same scripted sympathy yet again and then transferred. I speak with a live person. I tell her the whole story, unabridged. I want serious concern now, not the phony crap I had been getting. She sounded like she really wanted to take me for a drink to make up for the hassles and share her own customer service nightmares. We hit it off; she is going to help me. At last I have had success. She is asking me questions, I am answering them. She tells me this can be resolved over the beep, beep, beep. We get disconnected. I scream, pull out a few hairs, rant, rave, cry for a few minutes and then log onto Bank of America's web site. Contact us. Lost or stolen cards, call us collect at ##### 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call collect. The AT&T robot does not recognize the B of A robot that is stating clearly how much they love collect calls and will accept the charges. AT&T robot says "Your party is not answering, please try your call again later." Click. Call the AT&T operator who always sound pleasant when you reach the recorded voice, but when they answer for real, they sound disgusted that you could not place this call without annoying them. She places the call and connects me. "Welcome to Bank of America. Our hours are Monday through Friday, 8am-5pm and weekends from 10am-5pm. Our office is closed now. Please call back again between office hours." So I guess if you lose or have your card stolen, it should only be within their office hours or you are out of luck. Make sure you check the time zone differences too, so plan your loss or thefts accordingly.

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